man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President
Clinton appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked
up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest
horse's ass I've ever seen." A customer at the end of the
bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him.
few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Hillary
Clinton appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass
too," the man. This time, a customer at the other end of
the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him
off his stool. "Damn it!" the man said, climbing back
up to the bar. "This must be Clinton country!"
the bartender replied. "Horse country!"
night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere
above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot,
Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly,
an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment,
and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit
door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.
he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news
is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is
that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!"
With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the
Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he
said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs
great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should
have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of
the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into
Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest
man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest
man should have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and
out he jumped. The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another.
Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I
have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True
Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute,
and I will go down with the plane."
hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, pop.
The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."
man was walking in the woods and came to a cottage where the
walls were covered with clocks. He asked the woman who owned
the cottage what all the clocks were for. She replied that everyone
in the world had a clock, and every time you told a lie your
clock advanced a second. He saw a clock that was hardly moving
and when he remarked about it he was told that it was Mother
Terisia's. He then asked where Bill Clinton's clock was. The
woman replied "It's in the kitchen, we're using it as a
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