women were sitting in a bar, (a brunette, red head, and a blonde)
they were all pregnant.
brunette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The
other to asked how. She replied, "well I was on top when
I conceived so I will have a boy".
red head said, "If that is true then I will have a girl
because I was on the bottom when I conceived.
blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming,
man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers
in his ear, "I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks."
puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets. He
pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones.
thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says,
"Here...paint my house."
men were sitting in a bar talking about how whipped they had
first two kept bragging about how they could get their wives
to do anything.
looked at the third man and he said, "I have my wife so
whipped that the other day I had her crawling towards me on
her hands and knees."
of the other men were very impressed and asked him how he had
man replied, "Well, I was lying under the bed and she crawled
over and said, "Come out and fight like a man!".
guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he
needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his
drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer,
do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and there
is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy
bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence
laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar,
trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before
he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with
his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove
off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.
police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read
him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results
showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know
how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the
woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down
next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy.
A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his
chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in
a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating
a heavy night at the pub, a drunken man decides to sleep off
his drunkenness at a local hotel. He approaches the reception
desk, takes care of the formalities and heads off to his suite.
Several minutes later, the drunk staggers back to the reception
desk and demands his room be changed. "But sir," said
the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel."
"I insist on another room!!!" said the drunk. "Very
good, sir. I'll change you from 502 to 525. Would you mind telling
me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk. "Well,
for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."
women left separately after a very late night out drinking Guinness
until the early hours. They met the next day for an early pint,
and compared notes about who had been the most drunk.
first gal claims that she was the drunkest, saying, "I
drove straight home, walked into the house, and as soon as I
got through the door, I blew chunks".
which the second gal replied, "You think that was drunk?
I got in my car, drove out of the parking lot, and wrapped my
car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!"
the third proclaimed, "I was by far the most drunk. I got
home, I go in a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle
over and burned the whole house down!"
all looked at each other for a moment. Then the first gal says:
"Ladies, I don't think you understand. Chunks is my dog."
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