couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend,
'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend
is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for
2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the
'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend.
lecturer teaching medicine was giving a classoom observation.
He took out a jar of yellow liquid. "This," he explained,
"is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant of color,
smell, sight, and taste."
saying so, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into
his mouth. His class watched in amazement, most in disgust.
the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one
by one, they dipped their finger into the jar and put it into
the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If
any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I
put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my
old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor
says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces
sample, and a blood sample." The old man says, "What?"
So the doctor says it again. Once again the old man says, "what?"
So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES
SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!" With that the old woman turns
to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!"
was this woman who had bags under her eyes and wanted to get
them removed so she could look younger so she went to a plastic
surgeon. She tells the doctor I cant get rid of these bags please
help me. The doctor says he is gonna try and new experimental
technique on her. He will put a crank in the back of her head
and when she sees bags under her eyes she's supposed to crank
it and the bags will go away. So she gets this crank put in
her head and leaves. It works and works for a while until one
day she cant get rid of these bags under her eyes. She cranks
and cranks as hard as she can but they just wont go away. So
she goes to the doctor. She says to the doctor: "Doctor,
this was working for a while, but I cant seem to get rid of
these bags under my eyes." The doctor replies: "Lady
those aren't bags... those are your tits!" All she had
to say was, "Now that would explain why I have this goatee."
couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband
laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want,
and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't
expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to
be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my
buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said.
"Any comments?" His new bride replied, "No, that's
fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here
at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to
the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to
do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn
the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off
the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before
I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed
in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up
and yells at me for staying out so late!"
buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking
the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door,
storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into
bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?'
... and she's always sound asleep."
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