Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?
A: "Feel the World."
Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest song?
A: "Don't let your son go down on me."
What's Michael Jackson's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Little Boy Blew.
What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?
A: "The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
What did Michael Jackson say when a boy in a car mooned him
going down the road?
A: "I'll be there!"
you play thriller backwards, you can hear Michael confessing
all the names of the boys he touched. That's why it is 14 minutes
What is Michael Jackson's favorite gospel song?
A: "And then he touched me"
just bought a new car stereo... When you shout out "Soul",
it plays soul music. When you shout out "Rock", it
plays rock music. Some kids ran in front of my car, and I shouted
"fucking kids!", and it played Michael Jackson.
Jackson's found a way to stymie that L.A. search warrant:
He's invited Lorena Bobbitt over.
Q: How do we know Michael is guilty?
A: Several children have fingered him.
How will MJ pay off his old boyfriends?
A: Liquefy some assets.
Why doesn't Micheal have orgasms?
A: The big payoff comes a couple of months later.
Why does Michael like children so much?
A: He knows how they feel.
How did Michael get in trouble?
A: He was feeling a little Randy.
How is Michael dealing with his problems?
A: He's holding his own.
How are Michael's friends dealing with the problem?
A: They're all standing behind him.
What psychological problem does Michael still suffer from?
A: Anal retention.
How is Michael now?
A: Feeling a little crotchety.
Why does Micheal Jackson like to lose foot races to little boys?
A: He likes to come in a little behind.
What was the big break in the Micheal Jackson molestation case?
A: A doctor did a rectal exam of one of the boys bringing charges
... a white glove.
What is the most difficult thing to get out of little boys underwear?
A: Michael Jackson's makeup!
Why is Michael Jackson addicted to pain killers?
A: To stop him from going OW! OW! OW!
How does Michael Jackson keep his youth?
A: Pizza and Nintendo.
Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
A: He thought it was a delivery service.
Where does Michael Jackson go to find a date?
A: Boys 'R Us.
What does Michael call an orgy?
A: A fruit salad.
What makes Michael Jackson so unique?
A: It's the little boy inside him.
Did you know that Michael Jackson just turned 35?
A: Yeah, but he still feels like a 13 year old.
What do Michael and Gaylord Perry have in common?
A: Both have held lots of wet balls in their hands.
Who was the unmanned recon airplane the Predator named for?
A: Michael Jackson.
What has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs?
A: A Michael Jackson slumber party.
What's "black-white" and purple?
A: Michael Jackson's dick after a slumber party with a bunch
of 6 year olds.
How do you know when it's bedtime at the Jackson residence?
A: When the big hand touches the little hand...
What is Michael Jackson's favorite game to play at night?
A: Hide the pickle in the pajamas.
What child's game does Michael NOT allow to be played at his
A: Got your nose! Put it back!
What do Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston have in common?
A: They both like a little crack now and then.
Why did Michael Jackson Check into the Betty Ford clinic?
A: To get over his 11 year crack habit.
Why does Michael really need to go to rehab?
A: He's a crack addict.
What did Michael Jackson say when he got back to Neverland Ranch
from drug rehab?
A: You know, I feel like a new boy!
Why doesn't Michael sleep with boys anymore?
A: He's tired of all the cracks.
What's the first problem the Michael's child will have in life?
A: Figuring out which parent is his mother.
What happens when Michael talks about sex?
A: It's all very tongue in cheek.
What's sex like for Michael?
A: Child's Play.
What's the difference between a plastic grocery bag and Michael
A: Well, one's an artificial piece of trash that can harm little
and the other is used to hold groceries.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a refrigerator?
A: A fridge doesn't toot after you take your meat out of it!
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a microwave?
A: A microwave won't brown your meat!
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne?
A: Acne doesn't come on your face until you're about fifteen.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?
A: One is pale and scares kids and the other is a friendly ghost.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a ghost?
A: One is completely white and has a scary face. The other is
a supernatural being.
What's the difference between Michael and Connie Chung?
A: Michael's been able to have kids.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Richard Nixon?
A: One was a consummate asshole, the other a consummated asshole.
What famous celebrity had the most children over the last 10
A: Michael Jackson.
Why does Michael Jackson arrange for private shopping?
A: So his guests won't be accompanied by guardians!
Have you heard about Michael Jackson's New Book?
A: It's called "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing".
What's Michael's favorite Canadian TV show?
A: The Kids in the Hall.
What will they call Michael's new TV series?
A: Anus and Andy.
Why has Michael been appearing on children's shows lately?
A: He has a lot to plug.
Why was Michael Jackson late for the circus?
A: He couldn't get the stains out of his clown suit.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding have decided
to begin training racehorses together?
A: Yeah, she's gonna do all the handicapping and he's gonna
ride all the three-year-olds!
What do second place race horses and Michael Jackson have in
A: They both come in a little behind.
What do Michael Jackson and Willie Shoemaker have in common?
A: Both ride 4 year olds.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Mick Dittman?
A: Mick Dittman DOES have a license to ride 4 year olds.
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a racing
A: A jockey can mount three year olds legally.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound
A: The greyhounds wait for the hares to come out.
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and the PLO?
A: The PLO pulled out of Jordan.
What do Micheal Jackson and Saddam Hussein have in common?
A: They both pulled out of Jordan.
What's the difference between Richard Pryor and Michael Jackson?
A: Richard Pryor got burnt on coke, Michael Jackson got burnt
Have you heard about the foundation that Michael Jackson and
Richard Pryor have started?
A: It's called the Ignited Negro College Fund.
Why's Michael cutting down on public appearances?
A: He wants to spend more time with the kids.
Who's happy when Michael Jackson gets a boy to stay over?
Why did Michael Jackson cross the road?
A: He saw someone blowing bubbles and thought he'd join in.
Heard about Michael Jackson's new songs?
A: I'm forever blowing bubbles!
Why is Michael Jackson's album new entitled "Bad"?
A: Because he couldn't spell "Pathetic".
Why was Michael Jackson grounded?
A: He was "Bad".
What did Michael Jackson do when his hair caught on fire?
A: He "Beat-it!"
How do we know Michael Jackson is ready to release another album?
A: He has a lot of stuff in the can.
Who will Michael record his next album with?
A: Les Brown.
Which chips does Michael Jackson like to munch on?
Where does Michael Jackson write his songs for the kids?
A: In his tanning salon.
How do you neuter Michael Jackson?
A: Give him spiked gloves and tell him to sing a song.
What do any of the Mets have in common with Michael Jackson?
A: They all wear one glove for no apparent reason.
Where is Michael Jackson's other glove?
A: In Brooke Shields' pants.
What would you call Michael Jackson if he slept with another
20 or 30 young boys?
How will they ensure that Michael gets a thorough body search?
A: Hire a Catholic priest to do it.
What do Michael and Catholic school nuns have in common?
A: Both are a pain in the ass to kids.
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a proctologist?
A: A proctologist doesn't pay for the assholes he's poked around
Why did Pepsi sign up Michael Jackson for their ads?
A: Because he likes the taste of a new generation.
Why did Pepsi fire Michael Jackson?
A: Because he was caught sucking on a Squirt!!
Why did Michael Jackson fail to renew his contract with Pepsi?
A: Because he found out that the main ingredient was Bubbles!
Why did Michael Jackson put cheese on his willy?
A: Because kids will do anything for the taste of Dairy Lea!
What do Michael Jackson and broccoli have in common?
A: Both are force fed to little boys.
Did you hear about Michael Jackson marrying Lisa-Marie Presley?
A: If Elvis were dead, he'd turn over in his grave.
What did Elvis say after seeing Michael and Lisa Marie on television?
A: "Boy, that's a relief. I though she married a black
What did Lisa Marie Presley say to Michael Jackson when he popped
A: "Yes, I'll marry you. But promise me one thing... NO
What was Michael Jackson thinking about on his wedding night?
A: Hmmm, now Lisa-Marie can give me a little boy of my own.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie
A: About two dress sizes!!!
What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?
A: Got two fives for a ten?
Michael Jackson first wanted to look like Diana Ross, then
a white person, now he wants to be A ROMAN CATHOLIC PRIEST.
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