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DUMB BLONDE JOKES

Q. A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q. What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A. Locking the car door.

Q. Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A. Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q. Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

Q. Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A. They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

Q. What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A. Divorcee'

Q. Why can't a blonde get a drivers license?
A. Because every time the instructor says "Let's park" she jumps in the back seat.

Q. What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Q. Why don't blondes eat Jell-O?
A. They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.

Q. What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
A. A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q. Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A. Because she blows the horn!

Q. Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A. Because everybody gets a turn.

Q. Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A. Because she's been laid all over the country.

Q. Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A. She kept having affairs with men!

Q. What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A. She picks up her purse and goes home.

Q. To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A. Grade 4.

Q. What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A. 144 blondes.

Q. Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A. Because at 69 they blow a rod...

Q. What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A. A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

Q. What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A. A blonde parade.

Q. What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A. She moved.

Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A. Bobbing for chips.

Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A. Not everyone has been in a 747?

Q. What do you call a zit on a blondes ass?
A. Brain tumor.

Q. What's the difference between butter and a blonde?
A. Butter is difficult to spread.

Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A. Their both empty from the neck up

Q. What does a blonde and a turtle have in common?
A. Get'em on their back and their both fucked.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A. The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q. How is a blonde like peanut-butter?
A. They spread for the bread.

There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day"

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. So she went to a playground, grabbed a kid, and took him behind a tree. "I've kidnapped you!", said the blonde and then proceeded to write a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and place it under the pecan tree next to the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked under the tree and surely enough, a paper bad was sitting there. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

I'M BLONDE AND I'M BEAUTIFUL!

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested she move to economy since she didn't have a first class ticket.

The blonde replied, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving."

Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak to her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section.

Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving.

The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I' m married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this."

He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?"

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked the captain what he said to her. The captain replied: "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."

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