SHORT BLONDE JOKES

How did the blonde explain how his helicopter crashed?
He said it was getting cold, so he turned off the ceiling fan.

Why did the blonde quit his job as a restroom attendant?
He couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer.

What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?
Double-dumb.

How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawnmower?
The green WELCOME mat is ripped all to shreds.

What's the advantage of being married to a blonde?
You can park in handicapped zones.

What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
She slipped off and fell down the drain.

How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
It is the one with the kickstand.

What do you call an all-blonde skydiving team?
A new version of the Lawn Darts game.

Where do you look for blondes' obituaries?
Under "Home Improvements."

Why did the blonde take his new scarf back to the store?
It was too tight.

Why did it take the blonde a whole week to wash three basement windows?
It took him six days just to dig the holes to put the ladder in.

Did you hear about the blonde who gave his cat a bath?
He still hasn't gotten all the hair off his tongue.

How does a psychic refer to a blonde?
Light reading.

Did you hear about the blonde who thought he discovered that he had a twin brother?
He didn't realize he was looking in a mirror.

Did you hear about the blonde who never learned to waterski?
He couldn't find a lake with a slope.

What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket?
A rebel without a clue!

Why did the blonde only smell good on the right side?
He didn't know where to buy Left Guard!

Why couldn't the blonde bob for apples?
His sister was using the toilet.

A blonde is going to London on a plane; how can you steal his window seat?
Tell him all seats going to London are in the middle row.

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail she was hammering?
The noise gave her a headache.

Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
They don't know the route.

What did the blonde do when he noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
He turned it over and used the other side.

Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio?
It took him two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.

Why did the blonde stand in front of a mirror with his eyes closed?
He wanted to see what he looked like asleep.

How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
Two: one to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass him the blow dryer!

Why do blondes have more fun?
They are easier to keep amused.

What does a postcard from a blonde's vacation say?
Having a wonderful time. Where am I?

Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes go in first.

Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So he wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

How does a blonde hemophiliac treat himself?
Acupuncture.

Why did the blonde get so excited after he finished the jigsaw puzzle in only six months?
Because on the box, it said "From 2-4 years."

Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
He missed.

What's the difference between a blonde and a tree?
The tree knows when it's being cut down.

Why are most blonde jokes one-liners?
So men will understand them.

What did the blonde do with her arsehole in the morning?
Packed his lunch and sent him to work.

How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

Did you hear about the blonde who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
She had it bronzed.

What's a blonde's favorite color?
A light shade of clear.

What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
They both get easier to pick-up with age.

Did you hear about the blonde prisoner who was found in his cell
with half a dozen bumps on his head?
He tried to hang himself with a bungee cord.

Hear about the blonde explorer?
He bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the Sahara Desert.

How did the blonde moonwalk?
He got naked from the waist down and slid his butt along the floor.

Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates were cheaper than day rates?

blonde: I was born in the U.S.
Friend: Oh really, what part?
blonde: All of me, silly.

What do a group of blondes have in common?
Nothing they can think of.

How do you confuse a blonde?
You don't have to. They're born that way.

How do you confuse a blonde?
Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.

How does he confuse you back?
He comes out and says he did.

How do you confuse a blonde?
Ask him, "How do you confuse a blonde?" and walk
away. However, he will bug you for the answer all day.

Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
To keep the refrigerator cold.

What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
Frosted Flakes.

Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?
He didn't know which ONE came first.

What is every blonde's ambition in life?
To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

How does a blonde spell 'farm'?
E-I-E-I-O.

What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
Third grade.

What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A visitor.

What do you call a blonde CPA?
An impostor.

Why did the blonde stay up all night studying?
She had a urine test the next day.

What is the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.

Do blondes read Shakespeare?
"No, who wrote it?"

Why are blondes hurt by peoples' words?
Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Did you hear about that blonde who was an M.D.?
Yes, Mentally Deficient.

What's the blonde's Cheer?
"I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....uh, oh well..
I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yeah yeah yeah..."

How did you know a blonde would do it for change?
Maybe she thinks pennies are easier to count than dollar bills!

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are in kindergarten; which one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she is the only one that's 18.

Why did they stop doing the 'wave' at BYU?
Too many blondes were drowning.

How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
Or: Leave a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

How do you drown a blonde?
When he asks for a lifesaver, ask him what flavor he wants.

What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
They drowned in Spring training.

Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
The vegetable garden.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
That's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash?
He's the one on his bike.

What do you call four blondes in a Volkswagon?
Far-from-thinkin'.

Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicap zone.

Did you hear about the blonde who almost caused a car accident?
The spare tire in his trunk blew out.

How does the blonde car pool work?
They all meet at work at 7:45.

Why do blondes drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it.

What did the blonde do when he heard that 90% of accidents occur within five miles of home?
He moved ten miles away.

Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
In case she locks the keys in her car.

Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on his back?
From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK."